Emerging from the Fog ...

Yesterday I was talking to an old college friend about how many LIFE CHANGES we have gone through this year and how stressful it has been.  BIG BLESSINGS but BIG STRESS too! I have had stomach aches, chest pain, ulcers in my mouth, and sleepless nights filled with anxiety.... It is a battle I constantly deal with. The juggling act - Trying to be a perfect Mom, friend, wife, coworker, with a perfect house, body, and recipes. It is unrealistic and unnecessary pressure that I put on myself.  I really need to find strength in the Lord and cast all my cares on Him but I constantly try to handle everything on my own.  

This year I became a Mom.  (Motherhood will ROCK YOUR WORLD in good ways AND hard ways too!) 

We had an international move.

We lived with my Mom & Chris for 6 months.

We had no car for 4 months. 

Logan looked for jobs FOREVER until the right one came along.

We struggled financially. At one point I even had to return something in order to use my store credit to purchase a friend a birthday gift.  It was TIGHT and VERY stressful. 

Then Logan got a job... We got a car... And we moved into our own place LAST WEEKEND.

I feel like I have been holding my breath for 10 months.... with stress, anxiety, & overwhelming highs and lows. I could cry just thinking about how we are finally SETTLING DOWN. I can nest. Unpack our storage items.  Figure out a new "normal." A routine. Familiarity. Consistency. 

We have come SO far and I am desperately trying to allow my whole being to just take a deep breath and relax.  The transitional phase has come to a close and we are back on our feet.  

I know we will have trials and tribulations in the future, but for the moment... after 10 very stressful months, I feel like we are finally where we are supposed to be and settled.  I am grateful.  I would be lying if I said all the ulcers are gone and tension in my shoulders has passed... because they are still there.  A reminder of what we've walked through this year.   

But we are still here. Still standing. And I wouldn't change any of it for the world! BIG LIFE CHANGES happening all at once will rock you and challenge you in so many ways.  I have got to start trusting the Lord more to provide whatever we need because He always does.... So why do I always feel the need to fight that battle alone? You would think I would have learned that lesson by now.  

So I sit here in my new little office with empty boxes all around me and a "To Do" list a mile long and breathe a sigh of relief.  It seemed like it took a lifetime to get here...and I'm so glad we finally made it.... HOME.