To my Angel Baby(ies) and my NEW Baby

Written on January 26th.  The morning we were headed in to the doc to confirm my pregnancy. 

_________________________

To my very first Baby(ies)

The sting of your loss is palpable. I can go back 5 years in an instant to that cold hospital and apathetic doctor.  Tears well in my eyes at the thought of it.  The waiting. The hoping. The praying. The painting. The writing. 

You are not forgotten. You are in a much happier place but I still ache because I am your Mommy. 

Hope because you taught us to pray big BOLD prayers despite medical opinions. 

Samuel because you were the child we prayed for so very hard. 

Well I am currently pregnant with your littlest brother or sister and the enemy is trying to steal the joy out of this experience just like he has done every time since I lost you.  But I am going to battle this out. 

We are going to be victorious. We are going to celebrate this life and this blessing and this hope.  

To my new baby. I love you. I have already been daydreaming about you and how you are the missing puzzle piece to our family. We think you may be our grand finale baby and because of that I want to cherish every single moment of this last pregnancy. I do not want to be swallowed up by fear or anxiety. 

Baby - We look forward to seeing you today. Hearing that strong heartbeat and getting sweet affirmation that you are alive and well and growing big and strong in my womb. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. You are being knit together by the most loving and creative Father and I know He has big plans for you and our family.  

So to my Angel Babies- I will never forget you. I will celebrate you instead of fearing. 

To my new baby - You are a treasure.  A blessing after a very long and hard season of bad health. You are the crescendo to the beautiful symphony of our family.  My prayer is that we can enjoy every single note. 

XO

Mommy