Welcome to 33

A few thoughts and lessons I have learned over the past year... 

+ Do not take your health for granted.  It can change overnight.  

+ Be thankful for REST. Make REST a priority. 

+ Exercise doesn't have to be punishment. Find something that you genuinely enjoy and stick with it.

+ You don't have to have 100 best friends.  You don't even have to have 10. The older I get, the more I realize that my circle may be smaller, but it's deeper. And I can be picky about who I spend my (very limited) free time with. 

+ Show up for people. If they are local... do something more than hide behind a text. Pick up the phone and call. Drop by for a visit. 

+ FIGHT for CONTENTMENT.  In your marriage. Your house. Your season. Your belongings. Stop the comparison game since all it does is rob you of joy. 

+ Find a creative outlet and make time to do it.  For me, it's reading and writing.  I put it on the back-burner for so long but it is something that makes me come alive.  Find your thing and MAKE TIME for it no matter how busy you are. You will be happy you did. 

+ Self help books are great...but NOTHING compares to THE WORD.  THE WORD is the source of all life and truth and wisdom.  Open it daily. 

+ Don't hold grudges.  They eat you up way more than the other person. Forgiveness is hard but necessary if you want to possess JOY.    

+ What you watch/ read/ listen to can really affect you.  Be selective.  You don't have to get rid of everything but have a sensitivity (AND BE WILLING) to get rid of stuff that is taking up unnecessary space in your head and your heart. 

+ Marriage is worth fighting for.  Having a built in cheerleader and best friend instead of an enemy or roommate/ co-parent is SO much more fun! Communicate. Choose love. 

+ Friendships have seasons. Some people you thought would be lifelong friends sort of fade away and then you meet someone new and to your surprise, feel instantly connected... like you've known them your entire life.  Be OPEN to new friendships and be thankful for the lessons that old ones have taught you.  

+ Don't try to control things... especially holidays and toddlers ha! I used to have unrealistic expectations about how certain days would look and pan out and that is officially out the window.  I have forced my Type A self to be a bit more of a free spirit... Wake up. Have a good attitude. Make PLANS .... BUT make the best of them if they go haywire! Dance in the rain, right? Lemons into lemonade? Trite but true. 

+ Be open to criticism. You are not perfect. Don't be shocked when people point that out. Be gracious. Be a safe place.  LISTEN before getting defensive. 

+ Shed the insecurity and just be confident in who you are instead of who everyone expects you to be.  Don't be a cookie cutter. Be who God uniquely designed you to be. 

Welcome, 33. I am thrilled to see what lessons you have in store! 

No, I will not be coming to your holiday party...

When you have plans every single night of December and all you are is stressed, tired, and worn out.... Is the holiday season even FUN???? 

A few years ago, I asked myself this very question.... I used to LOVE a calendar full of squares filled up with fun plans but in the past few years (probably since having kids) these types of months/ weeks completely wear me out and I almost need a "vacation" to recover from my weekends.  (I love those of you who do Advent calendars but the thought of them gives me major anxiety for this very reason!) 

Although I have an extroverted personality, I definitely recharge my batteries by being home and not having plans.  If I spend too much time "busy" I don't have much left in my tank to pour into my people.  I find myself irritable, grumpy, and dragging instead of excited, joyful and energetic! 

So especially around the holidays when there is SO much going on (all really fun things) I really pick and choose what we commit to.  We make plans to have NO PLANS on many of our nights so that we can spend spontaneous time driving around looking at lights or having a family movie night complete with hot chocolate and popcorn.  We may not get to do everything on the "Dallas Christmas To Do" list but I am okay with that because I have more energy to enjoy the things we DO commit to and we can always catch the rest another year! 

So if you are wired anything like me, I would challenge you to make an effort to de-clutter your schedule over the holidays.  You don't have to say YES to everything.  I can assure you that you will enjoy your holiday season much more! You will be rested up and excited for the nights that you do have plans and enjoy your quiet evenings at home enjoying the warm fire and twinkle of lights on your tree.  

How it Felt to be a Trump Voter This Week

I have been a closet Trump voter this week.  Why? As a person who doesn't like confrontation and fears rejection, I wanted to hide and not put myself out there or take a stance either way.  Don't rock the boat, Abby.  You will lose friends and people's respect over this. But why are so many allowed to voice how they feel, yet somehow I feel like I can't?  So before you read on please treat me and my {probably different} opinion with respect.  Because we are all allowed to have our own opinions and this is mine. 

I am for freedom of speech and I am GLAD that we don't live in a cookie cutter America.  How boring would that be? But the very people who claim to be "open minded" seem to be very close minded this week.  I have felt family members, friends and strangers label me as a LBGT-hater, a bigot, racist, sexist, etc. and for the past few days I have zipped it. My parents always told me if you don't have anything nice to say, then don't say anything at all.  But I want to take a moment and respectfully tell you how I landed on this {not easy} decision. 

To start off, I contemplated NOT voting but NOT voting is an easy cop-out.  So I wrestled with the decision and frankly went back and forth.  Truthfully, I wanted NEITHER candidate.  I am FULLY aware of Trump's past and horrifying commentary {which he has apologized for} and that is the very reason I did NOT vote for him in the Primaries.  I also RESPECT Hillary voters because to be honest... I almost voted for HER.  There are SEVERAL issues that I agree with HER on. I find her poised, seasoned, determined, and honestly inspirational. I would also LOVE a female President someday and I loved her empowering speech to young girls and how they can do and be anything they want to be. I AGREE!!! I have 2 little girls of my own and I am already instilling that very thing in them.  I also want to point out that some of my very favorite people in the WORLD are from the LBGT community and I am fiercely PRO-REFUGEES.  My Mom's school is FULL of them and I adore each one of them. I fully intend on continuing to serve and minister to them despite the election results.  But for me, when push came to shove I voted on the platform.  I voted on the Supreme Court. I voted with a 30-40 year perspective vs. a 4 year stint in office. 

But to clarify to so many that do not understand HOW or WHY.  Here is what I voted FOR. 

A government who is: 

Pro America
Pro-Life
Pro Military
Pro Constitution
Pro Veterans
Pro Law enforcement
Pro 2nd amendment
Pro Israel
Pro Legal Immigration
Pro Limited government
Pro Constitutional Supreme Court
Pro Religious liberty
-Anti Obamacare
-Anti Common Core
-Anti Political corruption in DC

I am more conservative when it comes to social issues.  But isn't that okay? Can't we all hold true to our own convictions?  

Just because I disagree with you doesn't mean I have to disrespect you as a person.  

And you know who has handled this transition with SUCH grace? That would be the two people who stood to lose the MOST in all of this.  Hillary Clinton AND President Obama.  Their speeches made me proud. WELL DONE to both of them.  President Obama said the Presidency is like a relay race.  You get passed the baton, run as best as you can, and then gracefully pass it off to the next person.  He said ANY amount of progress you made in your short term is a WIN! So now it's time to pass the baton temporarily to Donald Trump.  

If you didn't watch Trump's Victory Speech after he won, I would highly encourage you to, as painful as it may be.  As a closet / skeptical Trump voter it actually affirmed my decision and got me excited! I look forward to seeing what an incredibly successful and smart businessman can do for our country in regards to infrastructure, bringing jobs back to America, and our national debt. I think it will be exciting to watch. Lets PRAY FOR HIM.  That he puts wise and strong leaders and influencers around him in DC.  (He is going to need it!) And pray that he is able to accomplish all the GOOD THINGS he says he wants to accomplish for the greater good of our country. 

As college student Cassie Hewlett expressed:

"Silencing those who simply exercised their right to vote in our free nation violates the core principles for which our country stands. I am by no means saying that those who were not happy with the results of the election do not have the right to mourn. They absolutely do. However, I am saying that those who are content with the results should feel safe in expressing their joy and optimism for the future of this country without the fear of being ostracized."

Full post here. 

And as a Democrat Riaz Patel put :

The worst outcome of the election is that we have each been reduced to a series of broad labels that no longer reflect who we are. Mexican. White. Republican. Immigrant. Muslim. We may try to look at people as “labels” but we’ll never truly see them because THEY do not look at their own lives & families as labels. If, in the misery of this morning’s election hangover, we choose to continue to refer to Trump supporters as one collective “Them” I think that is as offensive as anything else I’ve heard in this election cycle and as ungracious as anything we feared from Trump supporters in the defeat we assumed would be theirs. I think a key part of beginning to heal is realizing Trump is not his supporters. Who he is and how he campaigned are truly distasteful to me. But his supporters are not him. They voted for a variety of reasons that are important and personal to them. And when I was with them this past weekend, everyone I came across showed me kindness & humanity. I hope, for their sake, the quality of their life improves. And that they are able to continue to work and provide their families with a safe and loving home.

Full article here. 

I think the way we treat, love, and serve one another is separate from who is in the Oval Office. We need to start BEING THE HANDS AND FEET of Christ. Not all churches are the same. Not all Trump voters are the same. Not all Democrats are the same. We each have our own convictions and reasons why we voted the way we did and truly, I respect all of my friends and family who voted for the other candidate. It was a hard decision for me.
All I am asking is for that respect to be mutual. 

CHRIST = LOVE

Lets be like HIM. 

Full Circle

365 Days.

It has been exactly ONE full year since my insomnia reared its ugly head.  The search began medically for a diagnoses... lifelong anxiety is what they said. I am still convinced it was somehow related to postpartum and the fact Chloé wasn't sleeping through the night.

The search also began spiritually. Where was the root of this anxiety? How could I identify it, heal from it, and move forward.

Counseling. Prayer. Deepening dependance and reliance on the Lord brought FREEDOM and transformation.

God's timing is always perfect. You may think it coincidence but I think its a sweet gift.  We are one year from when it began and THIS YEAR Logan and I are headed to Cabo for some much needed rest and relaxation after this hard year.  It is also the same weekend that I am officially off all medications.  I haven't had to take sleeping medication since March of this year and I am almost entirely weaned off my anxiety medication.

My marriage is Stronger. Tougher. Deeper.

My priorities are in check.

My faith is tried, tested, and TRUE.

God NEVER wastes your pain.  He uses it as a bridge to others.

I wouldn't wish this past year on anyone but it has not been a waste and I am grateful for the journey it took me on.  LOTS to celebrate this weekend!

It is Well with My Soul: 2 Months Later

The last time I remember feeling 100% was Memorial Day Weekend.  I got sick shortly thereafter with a virus that would take my ability to speak and swallow.

Here we are 2 months later and I am different.

How could you not be after going through something like this?

What just happened? Will I ever recover? What does this mean? Will I be around to watch my kids grow up? Will I be in chemotherapy during Katy's wedding? Will I be in speech therapy for months? What will my new "normal" look like? Will I have to get a feeding tube? 

All the questions. And now we are here.

Thankful is an understatement.  What on EARTH?!?!? What an insanely uncertain and scary summer.

I would say I am at 85% (Logan says 93%) of my full speaking/ swallowing function by doing nothing by resting and letting my nerve regenerate and recover.  (AKA God healing me)

I can now communicate at the drive through and for the most part spell my name out over the phone and people actually understand me. (I have been "Chloé" all summer at restaurants because it didn't contain any letters I couldn't pronounce haha!)

I can eat and swallow pretty normally.  Liquids very rarely come out my nose.  The fact that I can swallow ANYTHING without immediately having to drink water is miraculous improvement.

How quickly do we take our health for granted. Eating. Sleeping. Swallowing. Communicating. Singing.

And how quickly do we turn back into our old busy patterns once we finally receive the diagnosis. The answer. The game plan.

This summer was awful but such a sweet time with the Lord.  He was the ONLY one who knew what was going on. I felt immense comfort in that.  I relied on Him every single day.  Praying. Worshiping. Talking to Him. All day. Every day. (I am not exaggerating here.... I was clinging onto Him for dear life.)

I miss it already... I am trying to discipline myself to get back to that place, but honestly I think scripture rings true when it says... "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted." He is dear and NEAR.  Not to say you can't be close with Him when you aren't in a valley...but I think most who have been in a dark place can relate... It is just not the same after you come out. 

The week of Katy's wedding, I woke up on Wednesday and HEARD improvement.  Most people have told me they hear improvement but its been so minimal each day that I was never able to notice it.  This was the first time that I felt overnight I had jumped from like 50% to 75% of my voice function.  I called Logan right away and sure enough was able to get through the toast at my sisters rehearsal dinner which was my main goal! PRAISE HIM!!!! This was not a guarantee and He was so sweet to answer my specific prayer for that moment.  One that I could never get back!

I go back to the neurologist in September to evaluate my progress.

I also went to my psychiatrist this month to check in on my anxiety. She was blown away that I didn't have any sort of relapse with my panic attacks and insomnia when facing such a potentially traumatic health issue.  Because of this, she told me I was ready to wean off the Zoloft. So we start that process this month.

I am looking forward to the future.  The closing of a very difficult year... but one that people can attest... changed me. I am not the same girl I was a year ago. Not even close.

I feel more. I empathize more. I care more. I have more to give. I value things more.... the RIGHT things. I am fully surrendered to Him and His calling on my life. 

Pruning seasons are never fun.  But they are SO necessary in growing, maturing, and preparing us for our destiny and for that I am thankful...AND glad this season is behind us!

Logan and I are headed to Cabo next month for a much needed (and well deserved) vacation... just the 2 of us! To celebrate and RELAX and to welcome a new year and a new season for our family. One that is full of Rest. Health. Peace. Purpose. In Jesus Name.

It is Well with My Soul: Part 5

Where to even begin. On Friday I had the best appointment I have had in 5 weeks! I am SO encouraged. Not to mention my new neurologist, Dr. Alan Martin is an Aggie and a believer and SO KIND. I clicked with him right away and he spent almost 2 hours with me. I did not feel like another number.

NOT ALS. 

NOT myasthenia gravis. 

NOT MS. 

NOT muscular dystrophy.

I have cranial neuritis. I am not quite sure it is even a thing but he said the easiest way to explain it is that its like Bell’s Palsy but a different nerve. Mine has affected my cranial nerve 10 which controls my soft palate (and speech and swallowing) among other things. He told me to imagine a cable. Taking the rubber protection off the “nerve” would grow back really quickly. But when you CUT the nerve (one of the wires), it takes awhile to regenerate and grow back. My nerve was CUT. He said the GREAT NEWS is that its not dead. It is still operating to other parts of my body. He did the EMG on the back of my throat and we heard LOTS of “clicks” which means lots of nerve irritation/ inflammation. When a nerve is at rest it should be silent.

He said the fact that I have seen improvement (even minor) in 5 weeks is REALLY FAST and encouraging. He can’t give me a timeline but fully believes my body will heal itself over time.

He told me no more appointments. No more doctors. No spinal tap. No swallow study. Just to relax and heal for the next 6 weeks and come back end of August for a follow up to measure my progress.

He thinks this is directly related to my fever blisters as that virus can attack nerves and manifest itself in strange ways. My fever blisters came/ then moved to the back of my throat when I was sick…. If it wasn’t that virus, it was whatever I had that week when I was sick that attacked and shut down my nerve.

After 5 weeks of stress/ not feeling well / facing my mortality with all kinds of scary diagnoses… I feel SUCH RELIEF and GRATITUDE!!!

We still have road ahead but at least now we know what we are dealing with. Bell’s palsy can take anywhere from 8 weeks to 18 months to completely heal. So my prayer NOW is that my nerve would continue to regenerate quickly so that I can be fully healed and restored sooner than later. I also wanted to mention I asked him the likelihood of this happening again… He said almost always, these kinds of things happen once in a LIFETIME. So I am just getting mine out of the way early :)

 :)Singing PRAISES today. I am no better today than I was yesterday morning but I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. Grateful to God for encouraging news and sustaining me during the very long wait.

Life is PRECIOUS.  Do not take a single day for granted. Do not take your HEALTH for granted.  I am SO aware of these things after walking this road.  Praise be to God who CARES about every single one of us. His Peace and perseverance are what got me through. 

God sent His Son, they called Him Jesus
He came to love, heal and forgive
He lived and died to buy my pardon
An empty grave is there to prove my Savior lives

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

And then one day, I'll cross that river
I'll fight life's final war with pain
And then, as death gives way to victory
I'll see the lights of glory and I'll know He lives

Because He lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He lives, all fear is gone
Because I know He holds the future
And life is worth the living just because He lives

And life is worth the living just because He lives

It Is Well With My Soul: Part 4

The week following my last update I made HUGE STRIDES!!!! I was able to talk a bit more... I got a few letters back such as "M" and "S" and was able to control the volume of my voice. Loud and Soft.  I still can't yell which is probably a good thing until Stella refuses to leave playgrounds or pools.

I also started to eat again... which in turn made me feel MUCH BETTER physically. It is still not EASY to eat or swallow but I am able to eat most foods as long as I have water nearby to help push it down.  I have not lost any more weight and have welcomed the chance to order REGULAR Chi Tea Lattes at Starbucks instead of my normal NONFAT haha! #ALLTHECALORIES #BRINGITON

To be honest, the past week there has been minor improvement but nothing substantial.  Sadly the retainer I had made actually made it harder to eat and swallow but I suppose it was worth a try.  It is JUST MONEY. I have to remember that.  Who cares.

Where are we now? We are waiting blood results to see if a spinal tap is necessary.  I am praying its not but in the same sense if I don't have to get one.... We are still left with lots of questions.

I would love your prayers on direction.  Spend more money and involve more doctors who potentially may say the same thing? Or continue to wait it out and pray it improves/ runs its course?

I find immense comfort in knowing that The Great Physician has the answers and the timeline of this.  I am looking forward to the day where all of this is behind me. Some days I am okay and completely at peace.  Other days I get SO frustrated with this condition and become impatient and angry.  I am pretty self conscious about my voice right now but thought I would share a video I sent my Prayer Warriors yesterday.  THIS IS SO MUCH PROGRESS compared to how we started off on June 5th.

Health Update : June 28th 2016 from Abby Misegades on Vimeo.

Hands and Feet

When we go through dark times.  Hard times.  You realize how important it is to have community.  To have people not only praying for you but to SHOW UP.  To DO something. To be there for you. To carry you through.

The past month I have faced something so hard in my life.  I have never felt so scared, anxious, isolated, and alone.   I tried different doctors and could open a pharmacy from all of the various prescriptions we tried to alleviate the problem.

The hardest part of all of this is that I was going through SO MUCH but still had a resposibility to take care of 2 little girls and provide for my family and keep up with grocery shopping, cleaning, and laundry.  These tiny, tedious tasks took it out of me because it took everything in me to just make it through the day.  I felt like a shell of a person and spent most of my days crying and sticking the girls in front of movies.  I was barely functioning.

I am not writing this post directed towards any person in particular so hear me clearly. SHOWING UP is something that I have been BAD AT in the past but after walking through the past 4 weeks, I will never be the same when it comes to helping those in need.

Prayers are amazing.  But to stop at "prayer hand emojiis" does nothing to help the person in crisis.  If you are far away, send scripture and encouragement and check in regularly. Like... DAILY. Pray them THROUGH the situation until answers are revealed.  Intercession is so important and letting them know WHEN they have been prayed for means so much. 

Let me say this bluntly.  The person who is in crisis is likely NOT going to have the strength or mindset to delegate or tell you exactly HOW you can help them in that moment.  So when people would ask "What can I do to help" I would draw a blank.  I have no idea? Where do I even begin? Take my kids... do a grocery run... come clean my house?  ANY of these things would have been helpful but the person walking through a dark time doesn't want to be a burden to anyone and sometimes it's hard to vocalize what exactly we need because we don't even know where to begin. 

This is where WE NEED TO STEP IN as the HANDS AND FEET of Christ.  We all have different strengths and talents and serving is not something that has come naturally to me in the past but I am going to try to be proactive instead of passive moving forward.

A few examples that literally got me through the past 30 days:
- I had a friend show up at lunch one day with her son and some Chick-fil-A. She came into my messy house and talked with me and prayed for me.
- A PHONE CALL always goes 100x further than a text or email.  If the person doesn't want to talk, trust me- they won't. Ha! It's quite easy to screen a call. But some of the most healing conversations took place for me in person or over the phone. 
- I had another friend send me $50 (because finances were tight due to all the mediciations and doctor copays) so that my family could go out to dinner one night and celebrate a small piece of good news I had received that day. 
- One of my sweet friends drove all the way to Richardson from ROCKWALL with her 5 children to bring me a homemade meal.  All of her kids brought pictures and cards for me with scripture and picture scribbles. Salt. Of. The. Earth. And what a LEGACY this friend is leaving and modeling for her kids.  I get weepy just talking about it.
- Someone did a grocery run for us.
- Another friend watched our kids ALL afternoon and another one that evening so we could go to certain appointments.

COMMUNITY.  It is SO necessary. AND in the same breath, equally as important to do it CORRECTLY.

In the past, I was SO guilty of just texting "I'll be praying for you" and then never following up. As a believer who just now feels like she is re-entering society, I am immensely grateful for this lesson. I want to be the Chick-fil-A friend.  I want to be the girl who drives and shows up with dinner and cards.  Not only because of what it will mean to THEM, but for what it will do to take the focus off of me for one moment and allow Christ to move through me.  He doesn't use the qualified, He uses the WILLING. And what better EXAMPLE to model this behavior WITH my children.

Let's step in and be proactive.  We are better than "prayer hand Emojiis."  We are CALLED to be more than that.  BE a community. Support those in need because there will come a time in your life, where you will be on the receiving end.  The Lord has been SO tender and near the past week and has weighed this topic SO HEAVY on my heart.  "We are better than this" is what I keep hearing Him say about how we are treating friendships these days. Actions speak louder than words.  People are HURTING and lonely and isolated all around us. We just need to open our eyes and ask the Lord who and how He can use us. Social media can be so very misleading.  The highlight reel NOT the behind the scenes.  Pray and ask the Lord to lay people on your heart.  Let Him USE YOU! And guess what? You will be SO BLESSED in return!

 

Be Kind to Yourself, Momma

I just finished reading Jen Hatmaker's "For the Love" and she nailed my feelings on the head.  Reading her book was validating, freeing, and a wonderful encouragement to me. PLEASE do yourselves a favor and read it. I have an extra one you can borrow!

The unrealistic pressure we feel these days to be PERFECT AT EVERYTHING is insane.  Even things we don't like. She pointed out that NO ONE has everything all together, although social media would tell us otherwise.  The clean house/ Pinterest crafts/ organic cooking/ business woman/ perfect yard / manicured nails/ washed hair/ Lululemon Pure Barre fitness/ relationship with their hubby/ Bible study leader at church.  It REALLY IS NUTS that we feel like if we are not ALL OF THESE THINGS, we are NOT A GOOD MOM.  WHAT IS THIS?!?!?  She goes on to point out that we all have different strengths and gifts and we should just focus on trying to excel in those 1-2 areas and leave the rest to those more suited. We are hand picking women we see online (or in our real life). One is an AWESOME cook and prepares her organic meals from scratch, a different one who is CRAZY SUCCESSFUL in her career, a different woman who takes her kiddos on fun, creative outings every day, and a different one who has a home that looks like it walked out of Restoration Hardware. BUT THE CATCH IS… Each category has a DIFFERENT woman with different strengths and situations. SO WHY would we expect OURSELVES to be that ONE PERFECT WOMAN in EVERY single area?  It is NOT possible or attainable and we are setting ourselves up for failure every time.

THANK YOU, JEN.

Thank you for giving me permission to NOT host dinner parties every week because cooking and hosting gives me the cold sweats.  Thank you for giving me permission to NOT have a spotless home because that is not something that is feasible for me with 2 littles.  Thank you for allowing me to NOT be leading a small group or Bible study right now because my schedule in this season just literally cannot handle another thing. Thank you for releasing me from feeling guilty about putting my 2.5 year old in front of a movie while I return my work emails. Thank you for allowing me & my girls to consider an outing to IKEA as our "fun" and very stimulating activity for the day.  Thank you for giving me permission to NEVER do a 25 Days of Christmas Family Advent Calendar. EVER.  (ANXIETY OVERLOAD)

Instead of this MOM GUILT, I am going to start feeding myself and those around me with TRUTH. WE ARE AWESOME. Moms. People. Friends. Wives. Humans.  What if we could live from a place of confidence, love, and acceptance instead of plagued by insecurity, loneliness, and defeat. I want to LIVE in my strengths instead of trying to acquire skill sets or gifts that just aren't feasible or natural for me. And if you want to play Mommy Wars… You win. Because I forfeit! :)

I am a GREAT Mom. YOU are a GREAT Mom.  Lets identify those areas in our lives where we are NAILING IT (and dare I say ENJOYING it) and keep at it!!! As for the areas where we feel we fall short… We probably do.  AND THAT IS OKAY. Release yourself from that unrealistic expectation.  Use YOUR gifts. Play YOUR note.  Our world would be terribly boring and uninteresting if we all had the same strengths and talents.

Man that felt good to put down in words.  I don't know what my future holds, but I do know that I get the pleasure of parenting these 2 precious girls and that is enough for today. And every day. I am the perfect Mom FOR THEM.  God chose ME to be their MOM.  Easy Mac and all :)

What I want my life to look like in 10 years… (Or Sooner!)

What propels you? Is it a certain lifestyle? Financial goal? Business idea? 

For me, I have BIG dreams and plans for my little family.  I have no idea if they will ever come to fruition but I do know that Logan and I talk about them over wine after the kids go to sleep… or when we get our occasional date night.  Just daydreaming about them is a fun escape for us.  

In 10 years, we will live in the Austin Hill Country and we will run our own little Bed & Breakfast with a French barn made of stone, perfect for a wedding venue.  We will have vines on the property that we allow winemakers to use and harvest for their wine.  We will live on the property but not too close… Would love to be somewhat removed up a hill but walking distance so that we can be very hands on with the clients.  We will be the only French-inspired escape in the Texas Hill Country vs. the zillions of Texas Ranch themed places.  

We would also love to hire someone to take over our place for 1 month out of every summer as we take our kids to France to spend 1/2 of their summer.  We want them to be not only bilingual, but bicultural. We also want them to know their French family WELL and to get to travel and explore Europe. They have dual-citizenship after all! France has so much to offer from big city Paris, to the rich history and castles in the Loire Valley, to the gorgeous blue coast!  

When I get tired of the day-to-day grind… I sit back, daydream, and get reenergized about making this daydream a reality someday. I am not sure HOW it is going to unfold, but I feel like the Lord has given us this inspiration and desire and He is more than capable of working out the details! 

*All images found via Pinterest. 

The Vanilla Tulip Social Media + Phone Photography Class

One of my dear friends Ashley blogs over at The Vanilla Tulip.  We actually met through our Rodan + Fields businesses and it has sparked a really special friendship.  You know those people you meet and instantly feel like you've known them your entire life? That's Ashley and me.

Anyway… I am so glad I didn't know WHO she was when I met her or I would have been incredibly awkward and intimated (haha!)  The girl is kind of famous and has over 23K Instagram followers.  So I definitely consider her an expert when it comes to social media and phone photography.   I signed up for her class as a creative outlet for myself but also to learn from someone who was able to develop a strong social media platform that has ultimately helped her achieve many goals and take care of her sweet family! 

If you are interested in improving your phone photography skills OR growing your social media platform, this would be a FANTASTIC class to join! She spends a week on each topic and I learned so many new tips and tricks!  My favorite thing about the class was how hands on she was in answering ALL of our rookie questions and also the random friendships that sparked from doing the class with other girls who had similar passions and goals.  I would highly recommend the class - Make sure to mention that I referred you if you decide to take the class! Her next one starts July 13! 

Coincidence?

I don't think it is a coincidence that I get a CRAZY amount of feedback and hits on my blog whenever I am open, honest, and vulnerable.  I think people are looking for that.  They want to see behind the curtain... behind the perfect, smiling instagram pictures and weekend recaps.  They want to know that you are REAL.  That you have struggles just like them.  That your life... although it may appear to be... is NOT perfect.  

I am STILL getting emails about my miscarriage post... a post I almost didn't publish because it made me feel totally vulnerable and raw in front of the internet.  I've received similar feedback from my "Perspective" post last week.  I think we all struggle with materialism to a degree.  I was born and bred in Dallas and it took me moving to France to realize how incredibly bratty I was and how little we actually need.  It has hit me in such a BIG way moving back to Dallas (a city renowned for its "Keeping up with the Joneses" and 30K millionaire mentality) and has made me question if I even fit in here at all.  Post-France Abby just has zero tolerance for certain things and that is one of them.  I truly prefer simplicity these days and hanging out with people who are down-to-earth and real. 

I want to make an effort to be open about my life on this little space and at the same time protect our privacy.  It is a tough balance and one I hope to do gracefully.  So thank you to everyone who read, commented, encouraged, and supported me last week.  It is something that has been under my skin ever since we moved back and I just needed to bring it to light... and it felt GOOD to get it out. 

Here we sit just ONE WEEK later and Logan has a job that will provide a salary and benefits and we can officially start looking for a car.  Crazy how much things can change in just 1 week. 

via Pinterest

Perspective

My perspective USED to be: BIGGER. BETTER. NICER. MORE. 

In a society that craves STUFF, I have been so humbled by our current circumstances. 

Recently, I've heard so many people complain about their neighborhoods, how old their house is, how tiny their apartment is... and I smile.  Logan and I would LOVE to have 4 walls to call our own.  We would be thrilled to have 500 square feet of us... Our wedding gifts and all our STUFF is still in storage after 2+ years. We have learned to live without it. 

People also LOVE to complain about their cars... How OLD they are, how they need a NEWER one, or NICER one... and I bite my tongue.  We sold BOTH of our cars in 2011 and came back to NO cars.  I borrow my Mom's Jetta when I can and almost every day I wake up at 7am to drive Logan to and from work in Los Colinas.  It's almost 2 hours of driving per day so that we can share the car.  Stella and I frequently walk across Abrams (Gasp! Believe me, we get looks!) to go to Starbucks, Walgreens, or Subway.  Its humbling, but good for us. We have transportation... they are called LEGS. 

These circumstances I realize are temporary. This is a season... a difficult one, but one that will pass. We will be homeowners someday (I hope) and we will drive our own cars (hopefully 2) as well but I don't ever want to forget about right now.  The STUFF we feel like defines us.  It doesn't. It is JUST STUFF.  I never want to take these things for granted... I want to appreciate what we have been given - good or bad, small or large, nice or cheap.  

SO that is my soap box for today.  Perspective.  Have one.  There is always someone worse off and better off than you are.  Be grateful for what you have. Do not take it for granted.  Be gentle with your words. Read your audience.  May cheerfulness and gratitude flow from all of us for what we HAVE been given. We have more than enough. 

Choose Joy

This season has been a difficult one for our little family.  The transition. The unknown. Disappointments and small victories.  It has been a time to stretch, learn, grow, and move forward.  Although we know it was the right thing it do to leave France, we find ourselves longing for the familiarity and simplicity of it all.  I know this is just a season, but I am clinging tight to the verse above and trying to be joyful amidst difficult circumstances, pray instead of complain, and thank God for the GOOD things we do have going for us right now.  

If you asked me...

I did this post one time in France and it was really well received and therapeutic for me, so I thought I would do it again. 

If you and I were to hang out this morning and I could share what's on my heart, this is what our day would look like.  You would come in and Stella would be on my hip probably sucking on her hands and drooling all over the place.  I would ask you if you wanted anything to drink and join you on the living room floor where we could sit and talk while Stella plays on her play mat, batting at all her toys and making funny bird noises.

I would tell you that this transition has been and still IS very, very difficult.  I would probably start tearing up as I shared how I am fighting the "glass half empty" mentality every single day.  I would try to smile about living at my Mom's house and not having our own space to "nest", about sharing a car between 3 people, about how guilty we feel and how hard it is to be 29 years old with a baby and not have the means to be independent adults.  It is humbling... and humiliating...but it is where we are at right now and thank God we have family that has stepped in to help provide for us during this transitional time in our lives. I would also add in that in NO way do we regret our decision to move to France, even if we've had to "start over" as a result.  It was the best adventure and we will treasure those memories forever. 

I would light up when I talked about Stella because our girl has now been named our "Sunshine girl" because that is what she brings to life right now... Amidst disappointments, challenges, frustrations, and financial woes.  We have a healthy, BEAUTIFUL, baby girl who is just as happy as can be and we thank God every day that she cannot feel our stress and anxiety.

I would tell you that we still daydream about opening a B&B in the Hill Country right outside of Austin but that we stop there... It's not a reality. Not yet. We have to find that money tree first or at least get Logan a great job so we can start saving up.  But sometimes on long drives or walks, we daydream about it and life is lovely...

I would tell you our hearts want to be right outside of Austin amidst the lakes, wildflowers, and beautiful rolling hills. We desire that beauty...that pace of life... a place we can call uniquely OURS.

I would update you on my job and how much I love it.  I have grown from it already... I have learned to develop thick skin, been let down SEVERAL times, worked on my self confidence, and had to put myself out there in completely vulnerable situations. I have stretched and learned and benefited from it all and I am grateful.  I am grateful that we at least have 1 source of income coming in each month that will only build over time; I am grateful for the amazing girls I get to work with every day;AND I am the most grateful that I get to work from home so I can be with my precious little sunshine girl.

I would then pat my eyes dry, smile at Stella, and say "Enough about me... tell me EVERYTHING about you..."

I had a great morning with you... let's do it again soon!

XO
Abby

Top 10 Life Lessons from France

10.  Work to live, don't live to work.  The French work to pay the bills, but they prefer to spend their valuable time with FRIENDS and FAMILY.  Work is not the center of the universe... relationships are.

9. STOP RUSHING!!!! Americans are always in a hurry.... to be here, do this, do that... The French relax.  They take their time.  The best evidence of this is during meals. Waiters are not pressuring you to leave so they can turn your table. They are enjoyed rather than rushed through. 

8. Eating In.  I am not sure this is typically "French" or just where we live in the countryside, but we do not eat out.  Like... ever.  Maybe 2 times per month (You think I am kidding...) In Dallas, we were eating out about 5 times at least PER WEEK.  Think of how much money we will save if we can continue this habit in the states!

7.  Healthier living. In our area of France we do not have "Fast Food."  The nearest McDonald's is a 30 minute drive away.  I have broken the habit of Chick-fil-A and Wendy's because it wasn't available and I would love to keep that to a minimum once we get back.  The convenience, price, and speed of it all makes it tempting, but see #9 above.  Why are we in a hurry all the time?

6. Simplicity.  We also do not have a mall in our area.  With the exception of 2 boutiques in town, we don't really even have shopping here.  If you think about it... We don't NEED a lot of extra STUFF.  I loved purging before we moved to France and while we were over here I didn't even wear 1/2 of the clothes I brought over! We really don't NEED that much.  I hope I can remember this when I spot "Target" in the distance... :)

5.  Hosting people.  I have always loved planning parties and supper clubs, but have never felt confident cooking for a group of people.  After my experience in the kitchen here at The Colorado, I have much less anxiety cooking for a crowd.

4. Beauty.  Don't take beauty for granted.  Our drive to the grocery store is lined with tall pine trees and snow-capped mountains in the distance.  I told Logan after we got here that I hoped I'd never grow numb to the beauty that surrounds us here in the French countryside.   I think I am going to miss it, but I will make a point to find and recognize beauty that surrounds me wherever I am.

3. Respecting cultures. It is GOOD to get out of your comfort zone.  I have cherished meeting people and making friends who have different beliefs than I do.  It challenges me in my faith and makes me search for answers to tough questions as well.  I love that I got out of the "Bible Belt" and "Christian Bubble" for a few years.  It made my faith more real... one that I chose rather than what was convenient and expected of me.

2. Family time.  In Dallas, Logan and I had plans almost every single night of the week.  Although I don't like NEVER having plans, I do appreciate "down" time where he and I can just be together.  Now that we have Stella, its so nice to just spend time together, put her to bed, and then just watch a movie and unwind.  I am going to need "nights in" to help balance out a packed social schedule.

1. Gratitude.  In addition to having numerous amazing experiences over here, we have had seasons of difficulty as well.  France was not a fairytale... but nothing in life really is.  We have been through highs and lows and in each place we made a decision to try to be present. Be here. Be grateful. Be okay with where we are instead of living in the past or living for the future.  Lonely days made me appreciate my friendships and family more than ever.  Losing our first baby(ies) made me love Stella with an even deeper love.

Overall these have been a WONDERFUL 2 years.  I wouldn't trade them for the world. I have grown, learn, & changed so much. I am truly coming back a new woman and a Mom! Would I do it again? Absolutely! We have ZERO regrets moving over here but we also know that without a doubt it is time for us to come back home to Texas.  I have bittersweet feelings about this season coming to a close, but I am so hopeful and excited about what the future has in store! 

images via Pinterest

Reflection: 28 going on 29

This weekend I turn 29 years old. Crazy, right?!?! This time, last year I had HIGH HOPES for what this year would hold for us and boy did 28 deliver!

We got to travel to Italy last year to ring in my 28th birthday - We saw Tuscany, Cinque Terre, and Rome.  It was pure magic. 

Shortly thereafter, we found out we were pregnant with a little girl! 

 

I now walk around with a permanent grin on my face because that girl has stolen my heart with her sparkling eyes & smile.

I don't know everything that is going to happen this year but I am SO excited about what I DO know:

• I know that we are moving back to TEXAS in 18 days! (But who's counting?) 
• We will be closer to my family and I will finally have friends again. :) 
• I am starting 2 new businesses and going to try this whole work-from-home Mom gig.
• Basically every single holiday this year is going to be extra special now that we have a little one to share it with! 

This is the last year of my 20's and I am not sad about leaving them... I look back at how far I have come since I turned 20... I graduated college, worked 2 really great jobs, got married, moved to France, and had a baby.  I am so blessed and grateful. 

This year, I want to embrace our journey as a new family of 3 and soak it all in. I never want to take any of my experiences for granted so I am going to try my best to have a heart filled with gratitude.... for my past, the present, and what is to come.